Search for “counsellor near me” on Google or Counselling Directory and chances are you’re met with an endless scroll of friendly-looking faces to choose from. I just checked my own area – a quick search for therapists within 5 miles brought up 119 results alone!

How on earth do you find the person who’s really going to make the difference for YOU?

Most therapists will tell you: make sure you choose the right person. It’s not just about qualifications or experience, it’s about fit, chemistry, connection.

One of the most fascinating things I learnt early in my training is that the quality of the relationship between counsellor and client is more important for the success of therapy than any specific techniques.

In other words, how you feel about your therapist, and the relationship you build together, is the magic that makes the difference.

But what exactly does a ‘fit’ look like?

When I first looked at choosing my own therapist (long before I studied therapy myself) I felt overwhelmed by the endless options and counselling bios that all seemed, well, a bit samey. One therapist I was drawn to because she looked kind. Another because we had a shared love of yoga. Another because they used to work in the same industry as me.

Was I subconsciously choosing someone quite like me, just a bit older and wiser? Research shows that this is often the case, but it’s not necessarily what makes the best therapist. In fact, a better fit might be described as a therapist with a good balance of similarity and difference. Similarity to help you feel safe and understood, difference to offer perspective and challenge.

Here are my top tips for helping you find the person that clicks:

1. Start with you. Think about what your goals are and what you might expect from therapy. Talking therapy encompasses hundreds of different approaches which can feel like a minefield – don’t get caught up in analysis paralysis. A simple filter is to ask yourself if you’d prefer a more reflective, exploratory process or a more structured, directive one (there’s a good summary of approaches HERE). Some issues – such as addiction or trauma – are best served by a therapist with specialist training. If you need advice, you can call the Mind Infoline on 0300 123 3393.
2. Take time to research. A personal recommendation is a great place to start but bear in mind that everyone has different preferences. When scrolling a directory, don’t just look for someone like you. Let your intuition lean into their words and how they express themselves. Narrow it down to 2-3 therapists you’d like to contact.
3. Check their credentials. Did you know that anyone in the UK can set up as a therapist? It’s not a protected title. To ensure that you are receiving ethical, professional care, your counsellor should be a member of one of the main governing bodies: the BACP, NCPS or UKCP.
4. Consider the logistics. Time, location and convenience are all important. Like going to the gym, if it’s too hard to go, you’ll make excuses. Many therapists now offer a mix of face-to-face and online which can really help you fit therapy into your life.
5. Have an introductory phone call if possible. The idea of this relaxed, no-pressure chat is for your therapist to check they have the appropriate training to work with you, and for you to ask any questions that you might have. Don’t feel any pressure to go into depth about why you want to see them. A good question to ask is: “How would you describe your style as a counsellor?”
6. Listen to your body. How you feel will tell you a lot about your chemistry. Do you feel good about the way they talk and listen to you? Do you feel hopeful or excited about working with them? If the answers are yes this is a good sign.
7. Assess how you feel after the first session. It’s natural to feel nervous at the start of therapy, but a good therapist should create an environment where you feel encouraged to relax and share. Ideally you should be doing most of the talking (not your therapist), you should feel comfortable and private in the room. The most important thing is that this is someone you feel you could be really honest with.
8. It’s not personal. As therapists, we are trained to appreciate the enigmatic power of connection. We cannot be the right therapist for everyone, so don’t worry that you may be hurting our feelings if you feel it’s not working.
9. It can take time. Many people don’t find the ‘right’ therapist on their first choice. If you feel unsure, don’t give up, try someone else.

REFERENCES

[i] Flückiger, C., Del Re, A. C., Wampold, B. E., & Horvath, A. O. (2018). The Alliance in Adult Psychotherapy: A Meta-Analytic Synthesis. Psychotherapy, 55(4), 316-340. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000172

[ii] Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2018). A new therapy for each patient: Evidence-based relationships and responsiveness. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 74(11), 1889–1906.