One of the toughest things about anxiety is feeling out of control. Things that never used to bother you now seem like huge hurdles. Hitting a traffic jam, going to the cinema, travelling somewhere new. Feelings of worry have suddenly spiralled into paralysing tension and panic attacks. It’s scary, overwhelming and – worst of all – many people don’t get what you’re going through.
If you’ve been battling anxiety for a while, you’ll know there’s no easy fix for a natural response that’s somehow gone a bit haywire.
That’s why it’s often hugely comforting and empowering to focus on the things you can control.
Here are some tips that I share with my clients that can remind you that you are stronger than you feel right now, and to give you back that precious feeling of agency and hope. Anxiety is part of life but it doesn’t have to run the show.
Take a double-inhale
When anxiety strikes, it’s good to have a go-to tool you can use straight away. This breathing technique is the fastest known way to downregulate the nervous system and can help your body settle within seconds. It’s quick and easy to do in public without feeling self-conscious.
Double-inhale through the nose (one deep inhale, then a second short inhale to fully inflate the lungs), then one long slow exhale through the mouth. Do this 2-3 times.
I like to imagine releasing tension and stress with every exhale.
Name what’s happening
Labelling the experience reminds you that anxiety is normal and reduces the sense that something is wrong or out of control. Memorize a phrase that you can tell yourself when you feel anxiety rising, such as:
“This is anxiety, not danger”
“This too shall pass”
“I don’t need to feel calm to keep living my life”
“Anxious sensations are just sensations. I allow whatever comes up.”
Calm your body to calm your mind
When we’re in a highly sensitive state our mind is constantly scanning for the next danger. A simple trick to dial down your over-protective brain is to focus on something a bit easier to control: your body. As your body relaxes, so does your mind. And when you start calming your body every day, it sends a message to your nervous system that you’re safe, all is well, and it can stop being so hypervigilant.
Try to add in a little more relaxation every day. Make it intentional and notice how good it feels. Your morning coffee in the garden. A bath with your favourite podcast. An evening walk after dinner when you’ve had a tough day. Remember, you don’t need permission from your partner/kids to take time out for yourself. These simple things can feel insignificant but are actively rewiring your nervous system to reduce the anxiety load.
Have a good laugh
When we’re struggling with anxiety, we can find ourselves living small and getting things out of perspective. But a good laugh releases endorphins (feel-good hormones), reduces cortisol (the stress hormone), eases muscle tension and encourages us to look outwards. Think for a moment: who or what makes you laugh so much it hurts? Whether it’s Billy Connolly or funny cats on YouTube, line it up, press play and enjoy a full-body stress reset.
Practice regulating emotions
I like to think of anxiety as a tricky toddler, prone to being loud, reactive and melodramatic! Remember that you are a grown-up and you are in charge of you. Notice negative thoughts when they appear and say “STOP”. Look at that thought with a little distance – is that really true? Can you offer a balanced alternative? It helps to put a time stamp on whatever uncomfortable situation currently exists. For instance, “I haven’t found the solution YET”.
The big goal: acceptance
Recent research on anxiety has highlighted acceptance as a key part of recovery. Accepting anxiety as part of life, dropping the resistance and letting yourself fully embrace the uncomfortable feelings is very freeing. Can you try being a conscious observer the next time a wave of anxiety hits? Notice how it shows up in your body, get curious about how the sensations change. The goal isn’t to make the unpleasant sensations go away, it’s ending the fear of those sensations so you can live your life with whatever comes up. If you’re keen to learn more, I recommend the brilliant book ‘Dare’ by Barry McDonagh.
A final thought
Struggling with anxiety can be so many things: overwhelming, shameful, exhausting. If this is you, take heart – you’re not alone. Talking about what you’re feeling is so valuable as anxiety tends to thrive in isolation and secrecy. Keep talking – to your friends, family or a trusted counsellor – and you’ll be one step closer to feeling so much better.